To bus or not to bus, that is the question?

As first grade approached my excitement grew, my youngest would finally be riding the bus, no more picking him up day after day in the car pick up line.  I could leisurely walk out to the bus stop and wait for him happily at the end of the day.  Ahhhh, such a sweet innocent thought!

Some of you might know or experience this, but ADHD doesn't just come and go.  Its with my lil guy all day long whether medicated or not.  When there are boundaries, consequences and strong verbal reminders, this child virtually blossoms in front of you.  But then the unstructured times of pure chaos which includes the bus, is out of the realm for him to have much self-control. He's been holding it all in all day to make everyone else happy, now its his turn to let loose  I won't even the mention the meds. have almost worn off by now.  

At this point the bus is a highlight to my day, time for me, time with them.  It represents "me time" and then brings them both home for "family time".  But I know something is not quite right on the bus.  Like the time he comes off with his clothes wet and dirty, huh?  Push maybe? Or the many times he comes off babbling incoherently running past me without a hug or a hello!  How dare he!  But finally I ask his teacher had she heard anything.  Evidently she got an earfull from who she asked, because later that day, I did too!  Something about older, naughty kids influencing my wee babe who doesn't have much self control and starting doing naughty stuff too.  No details but there was yelling and other bus morale issues with of course some assigned seated, I get the drift.  

My husband and I talk to Alex who is pleads the 5th and doesn't say a word.  Nothing, not a peep, a smirk, nothing.  So we tell him we will give him one more chance on the bus or its back to the car pick up days.  He's bright eyed now because he loves being a big boy riding the bus.  We agree that this will do the trick or so we think.....

 I innocently walk to the bus stop just like every other day, happy to see my little one.  But this time, I see Alex held in the front bus window while the other kids climb off the bus.  Then Alex tells him something and the bus driver looks directly at me with a, "come over here " hand gesture.  I gulp and press thru the other moms and kids and climb the first step.  Alex looks petrified, I feel petrified.  He said that Alex has been using his finger on other kids on the bus.  I say, "what, to shoot at people? Alex you know better than that!"  No he says, he's using his finger.  I pause, wait with a confused look on my face as he stares at me.  I say this very slowly, "Do -you- mean- he's- giving- the- "FINGER"?  Yes...... he says.  and quickly I say,  "No way, he's never seen that, where he get that from?"  The bus driver shrugs his shoulders as I stiffly leave the bus entrance with my eyes glazed, my face red and my heart pounding.

As we start home on our walk of shame,  I grab Alex by the arm and start in asking him questions like, where he learned that particular hand gesture and did he know what I meant etc?.  During this time Alex is walking and manipulating his hand downward so I wouldn't notice in that 'special' gesture poise.  This all the while I'm telling him how bad it is.  Soon a realization, I automatically blamed my son because I know he is impulsive but then...... I blame the older kids on the bus.  What a poor example they are role modeling.  Do they not realize a child, however old and innocent can not think rationally with ADHD in an chaotic environment that is not properly managed by the bus driver.  That's it, its the bus drivers lack of supervision!  As my mortification sets in, I realize the humor in it all.  My sweet 6 yr old just gave the whole bus 'the finger' again and again, he got an amazing reaction from the other kids on the bus and thought nothing of it other than he must be "cool".  Still mortified, I begin my afternoon drives to the school for pick up duty but with a smile on my face...... 

Epilogue:

After several months, we put Alex back on the bus to finish the school year on a high note. We were walking home from the bus stop and he begins to fidget with his fingers in an all so familar way as we talk.  I say gruffly, "Alex" but he gets the fingers all sorted up and gives me the Hawaiian hang loose sign!  I laugh with a sigh of relief the "finger" did make a reappearance.  But this is short lived as he swings up his pinky finger and says "you know what this means? it means "the finger" in Chinese.  I really have no comment at this point as we take our humorous and humbling walk back home.